St Abbs - Friday 16th / 19th June 2006
Report by Pete Sidebotham
Day one
 Friday morning sees myself, Wayne ‘no brain’ and uncle Neil making an early start to get to Abbs for a bit of shore diving before the rest of the rabble arrives. Yes, it’s the annual trip with Gwynnd club time, but this year (like my teeth) we’ve a few missing.
The lager sponge (aka Pottsy) and the current Mrs Potts are on a bit of a diving sabbatical after the birth of OW diver Ellis (that’s Open Womb not Water) and “fingers” Taylor is on an outward bound course for the digitally challenged. Never mind mate, look on the bright side, it’ll cost you less when you’re ordering beer in a noisy bar.
A wedding stops Bill and Gwen and some of the Gwynnd lot making an appearance. We get there after lunch and meet up with Sarah who’s been up in Scotland for job interviews and baggsy the best beds (Uncle Neil being banished to the naughty room because of his unfeasibly loud snoring) at Rock House B+B.
Sarah is our shiny new ocean diver trainee and works at Blackpool zoo with large apes and hairy primates, so the coming weekend will be like a busman’s holiday for her!! This will be her first sea dives and the conditions couldn’t be better, no wind (Enemy of the Diver No1) and flat calm.
She wants to hire a suit for the weekend but uncle Neil insists she saves her money and use his gimp suit while he uses his neoprene. Now I’m not saying his neoprene is old, but there’s a stone relief in the Temple of Knossos of the god Poseidon wearing it when he slain Erechtheus with a bolt of lightning. Anyway, Sarah goes to try on Neil’s suit and emerges from her room clearly flushed and bothered after the exertions of trying to squeeze into the heavy rubber suit. She looks like a disturbingly sinister fifth telly-tubby. We all try not to laugh by pretending to be busy kitting up for the first dive on Cathedral rock.
The walk round the harbour wall leaves people crumbling in fits of uncontrolled laughter in her wake. Once in the water though, ungainly telly-tubby becomes svelte, graceful sea-lion (well sort of). Great viz, sunlight and big wrasse make Cathedral a treat and Sarah does really well. We get back to the B+B to find Mike (no bottle) Mc Cann, Lauren (princess of the Nile) and Chris (DIR soulmate of Simon) have arrived. After pleasantries have been exchanged, we decide a shore dive on seagull rock is in order and make our way down. Chris is shore cover and I’m assigned to lead the dive anti clockwise round the rock. Unfortunately I misread Neil’s underwater signals and leave Mike and Lauren behind only to bump into them coming the other way!
Diving over for the day, we drive up to the chippy for tea and pile into the Anchor to meet up with the stragglers. Ruth (pay attention at the back) is first with Simon and Ange arriving later on minus Bald Eagle who has had a family problem but not that serious to stop him joining us on Saturday afternoon.
Back at the B+B, the hairy princess sniffs everyone’s crotches (that’s Beavis, not Angela) and we prepare for the forthcoming days diving by having alcoholic nightcaps and a late night. (EoD No4).
Day two
 Saturday morning breakfast is outside in beautiful sunshine, and, as we’re on the second wave it’s a nice relaxed affair. Mike discovers both his tanks are out of test. ”I can’t understand it”, he says, “they used to be in test”.. Uncle Neil cobbles together an inflator for his suit with some chewing gum and a paper clip, and then it’s all aboard the Alikai for Anenome Gully.
As she’s the only one with a camera, Ange is promoted to official trip photographer, and on the way gets some really good shots of the wildlife. However, she misses the best shot of the day, the one from a seagulls arse right onto the top of my head... Bullseye!!
After much shaking of fist and shouts of “I’ll remember you, you bastard” Ange says “I’ll get some paper” to which I reply “don’t be daft, it’ll be miles away by now” boom, boom. (That joke was courtesy of The Benny Hill Show, London Weekend Television, circa 1972). The dive was brilliant with loads of deadmens fingers, plumose anemones and lobbies. Ruth sees a wolf-fish, or was it me smiling at her!!
The afternoon dive is Black Carr rocks and again loads of life, huge sunstars, dahlia anemones and carpets of brittlestars. Later at the B+B, with our ranks swelled by the arrival of Steve and after completing 100 lines set by Ruth for not seeing a wolf-fish, we hijack the local bus into Coldingham for our meal at the Anchor.
Nice food, decent beer and good company are followed by a brisk cross country walk home. Later in the new dining area, we are treated to a few readings from the small red book that is the “Thoughts of Chairman Campbell”. We learn about his thoughts on right turns, the gutter press and Coronation St. We listen intently on his radical views on even more enemies of the diver, eg. cotton buds, digestive biscuits and wind again, that’s gastric not meteorological..(EoD No’s 12, 41 + 27)
Day three
 Sunday breakfast is devoured and we drag Wayne from under the table where he is involved in a particularly savage three way battle with Beavis and Ollie for a carelessly dropped piece of bacon rind. Everybody slips into diver mode except Lauren, who swings into student mode and goes back to bed..
For the rest of us its out to the Glanmire. Billy shots it right by the engine block and with 10 plus metre viz and a slight run across the wreck, it’s a fin along the prop shaft to the rudder and prop at the stern. A huge edible crab watches us warily as we make our way back to the boilers amidships and find the shot, with 20 mins bottom time just putting us into deco. A great dive made all the better by almost perfect conditions. On the short shuttle back to Abbs, after a brew and mini Mars bar that greet us after every dive.
Billy amuses us with the tale of the lady diver who wanted to leave some dry stuff in his wheelhouse. Obviously not hot on her nautical terminology, she asked him if she could leave her bag in his shed!! (well, it made me laugh!).
Anenome gully is the afternoon dive and is virtually a repeat of the Saturday dive but from the opposite direction. We are relieved to see a wolfish, thus averting the wrath of Ruth.
Later, some of us do a Cathedral shore dive ...and some of us come the right way back... and some others have a long fin back to shore... A takeaway is the preferred form of sustenance for the evening and everybody enjoys their Indian/Chinese meal, everybody except Uncle Neil whose order seems to have been overlooked.
We all chip in with bits of our meals to see he doesn’t starve and we all make Mike feel uneasy about his gaff. We also watch the World cup on TV and laugh as France are humbled to a 1-1 draw by the mighty South Korea...
Day four
 Monday morning sees Neil repairing his leaking stabbie with a band aid!! (Honest). Now I’m not saying his BC is old, but everybody on the planet has seen it. Its on TV every Christmas. Neptune is wearing it when he holds the pillars apart for Jason and the Argonauts to sail through.
Tye’s tunnel is the morning dive, and what a cracker! Billy drops us right into the mouth of the tunnel and we follow it as it winds it way down, along and up and out into open water on the other side of a gully. Brilliant dive. As we emerge, the first thing we see is Ruth and Chris. Ruth is engrossed in something miniscule on a rockface and Chris is hanging dead still in the current looking bored shitless like he was waiting for a bus. I feel sure if one would have come, he’d have got on it!!
A gentle drift dive from Weasel Loch into Leeds Bay is the last dive of the trip, but as the song goes, “you went and saved the best 'till last”. I’ve dived Weasel a time or two but never seen so much life before. The sun filtering down and brilliant viz made it almost Caribbean. All the usual life seemed much more vibrant, and we found a clutch of mermaid’s purses and loads of beautiful green pipefish. What a contrast from last year. Fierce conditions meant we didn’t get any diving in at all, but this years trip was a corker.
So, what have we learnt on this trip?
- The diver has many enemies
- If you don’t see a wolfish expect detention and...
- If a seagull shits on your head, check your lottery ticket - I won a tenner!! - Result!
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